Tired of finding dead relatives? Think maybe there might be a real live one out there? Missing your family or friends? Don't know where to start? These are all problems I found when I wanted to find my Mom's half siblings.

When you are looking for family or friends you have not seen in years, or perhaps have never seen, you are likely to run into some road blocks to finding them. They have moved from where you last knew they were, if it is a female, she might have married and changed her name. Finding someone can seem to be an impossible task. And it is easy to get bogged down and think it is impossible.

The last thing you want to do to start with is call one of those 1-800-we-can-find-them numbers. They might help but it will cost you. Sometimes big time, and none of them guarantee finding someone. What the largest one does is send you a list of names and addresses and phone numbers, you have to do all the leg work anyway. So you might as well give it an honest shot on your own.

One of the first things you need to try to do is gather all the information you have about the person in one place. Pictures, names, dates, area where the person grew up, memories of the person, likes and dislikes, interviews with people who knew the person, all can offer clues to their where-about.

Once you have gathered up the information you have to try to contact all the old addresses that you have. Make sure that the last correspondences were not sent back by accident. You might also want to send a letter to the last known address and ask the postmaster there if they have on file a forwarding address for the person. Some post offices will keep this information on file for some time after the forward expires. Once you have found that you really don't know where they are, you need to go on line. Since you are here reading this I know you know how to do that! There are many good places to search on line, the trick is knowing who you are searching for and where to start.

There are a lot of on line directories. One good one is Yahoo! people search(http://people.yahoo.com/), another is Switchboard.com. (http://www.switchboard.com/) Both of these sites will take different things into consideration. First and last name and state are required. Keeping in mind most people live 30 miles from where they were born, start where the person grew up. I know some common names, like Davis, Smith, and James, will give you back a ton of results but don't be discouraged. Depending on who you are searching for, you might want to write a letter as opposed to a phone call. I used the letter method myself, and I found my Uncle, Warren Davis. There are 285 Warren Davis' in the U.S. How do I know this? I wrote to all of them. Writing allows the person you are contacting to have the time to get use to the idea of someone looking for them. It also lets them know that you are serious about finding them and want them to have some information about you also.

When you search with Yahoo, they will pull up all the names and addresses of the person you are looking for and all the other people with the same name. The trick here is to find the right one. If you know where the person was born, grew up, or lived try contacting the people in that area first. If you have no luck expand your search and include the next states, or if you knew the person, places they talked about wanting to go someday. Some other things you can do, if you are looking for the elusive female, try contacting people with the same surname in the area they were born in. It is possible there are cousins or other relatives there that know the person you are searching for. Another thing to try is the local high school. Reunion committees are great for finding people. They often keep track in the local areas of who has married whom, and might be willing to pass on the information you are looking for to the other person. Never put these people on the spot and ask for the address of someone.

Some important rules for writing to try to contact someone. First, get a PO box, don't let people know your street address, you don't know who you are contacting. Second, enclose a self addressed stamped postcard, and in the letter tell the person if they are not the person you are looking for, send it back and you will take them off the list. Third, realize if you are looking for 1/2 siblings, parents, aunts, etc. they might not want to contact you at all. This is something you need to recognize and respect.

In your letter tell almost all of the information of the person you are searching for. Don't tell every last detail. Explain briefly why you are searching, and what you expect to find and gain. The last thing someone wants to open a letter to is the fact that someone is searching for them and won't take no for an answer. This is especially important with searching for family members.

How did my search turn out? Well, I found two wonderful aunts, and a fantastic uncle, and all of their kids, and grand kids. Three years ago our now bi-coastal family had a reunion here in California, and last summer for the 4th of July, my husband and I traveled to Maryland where we met most of the rest of my cousins. I talk constantly with my expanded family, and they seem to have a great time including us in all of the events of their lives. How did it happen I have a bi-coastal family? I will save that for another story at a later date.